ROCK DROP.

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In rare moments, the galaxies align; your everything changes because you decide it must. My mentor, my sponsor, Kim, takes me to his grave. The tiny stone facing the snow-emergency-route lies loudly.

My knees beg to buckle, but love wafts from this pillar of strength standing at my back; Kim never once gave up on me. I suppose describing her love as crude and raw sounds unkind. Yet "tough love" undersells it's force as much as a gentle-breeze describes a category-5-hurricane. I am woefully aware of the depth of my need for this onerous love. In the darkest of pits, crude and raw are all I can hear. She sets the example; living out each-and-every step she asks me to follow. Until this moment, immersed and blinded by flashbacks and night

terrors, I strike my body with blades; my hands carve flesh; and my brain stops but briefly.  Destroying this vessel panders the memories to freeze. Venturing here with Kim behind me is the first time anything other than self-harm stops the tempest of my head.  The entire world around me holds its breath.  I drop the beastly rock from my hands onto the dirt hiding the decaying remains of a monster.                        

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A line drawn in the sand: I decided to live. When Kim boiled the world down to one question – life or death – I chose. I suppose you could call this a sign. I

call this the end of my spiraling attempt to die while alive. Honestly, I never planned on reaching 30.  A seed planted, or even force-fed, held an stunning ultimatum, one I felt blindsided by. Clearly, I held the key to living, transforming, converting – whatever you want to name this epiphany. No answers fell in my lap; no person could pull me off the brink. Ground zero for a new beginning: a rock drop.

I chose.

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Death is no longer an option while you live…if you truly live.